An action as simple as sitting on a bench makes a tremendous difference depending on when and why the action takes place. In this fast-paced world of working hard, playing hard and getting ready for the next season of the same, we do not often stop to have important conversations. As a result things not discussed in our past deeply impact our future.

Taking time to talk about important issues as they come up can be healthy and improve the quality of relationships. For whatever reason when we stuff down the feelings associated with hurt, those feelings can become lodged so deeply inside that it is difficult to safely bring them out later. Instead like a bottle of carbonated beverage that has been shaken, the top blows off the container causing an untidy eruption.

As we fail to properly address issues surrounding hurt, pain, bitterness, forgiveness, and loss, the caustic effects of those feelings remain. These feelings seem to be heightened in families. Sometimes leaving a lifetime of questions beginning with the word why: Why did _______________ happened to me? Why was a treated like ________________? Why, why, why? (You fill in the blanks.)

With all of the technology we have to take our attention away from our feelings, emotions and relationships it is easy to overlook the need to talk things out with others. A lack of attentiveness, forgiveness and love are especially apparent when it comes to familial relationships.

Past

When I was a girl I remember the front porch being a place where we could sit and quietly watch the movement of the outside world. It allowed those on the porch, and those moving though their field of vision to almost occupy the same place at the same time without intersecting at all. Either party could create the backstory for the one that did not take the time to engage in conversation.

Generally when one decided to stop and talk it might seem as if time stood still. They could make small talk for hours, or have moments of deep sage conversations. The porch and the person sitting on the bench of the front porch were open invitations to talk.

This scene occurred in large cities and little towns. People took the time to talk to each other. On major streets and pintsized roads. A couple of rocking chairs, or a swing would do as well as sitting on the bench. There was conversation or just being in the presence of someone else, sharing the space with them was sometimes able to suffice.

I am not sure where things changed but those times of comradery are not such a staple today, at least not that I have observed. When people are having those conversations sitting on the bench these days it is more likely in the park.

There is a feeling of connectedness that occurs when we are outside with grass under our feet surrounded by the sights and sounds of nature in our common space. Sometimes families are in conversation, strangers too are sitting on the bench. The lack of cushioned padding beneath ones bottom is often forgotten when we enjoy the company of one with whom we are sitting on the bench. The intimacy of sitting on the bench is a treasured social gathering spot.

Think of the times you have found yourself sitting on the bench. Maybe it included sharing some refreshments. It could have been the newest member of the family was taking their first attempts at walking. As you open the door of your memory to this topic, what memories come forth?

Which event would you like to enjoy again? What conversation would you want replayed? How was your future positively impacted by a conversation you had while sitting on the bench?

Present and Future

As you continue to ponder on those conversations sitting on the bench, what conversation would you like to have now that would impact your future? Is there a why question you would like to ask someone? Is there something you would convey now because you have reflected on something you omitted in the past?

What if you could speak to anyone while sitting on the bench, with whom would you want to share that space? Think about it. Pretend you could have anyone sitting on the bench beside you, anyone from your past, who would it be? Go ahead, imagine that occurring miraculously. What would the future you benefit from having answered or said now, today while sitting on the bench?

What questions would you want answered? What words would you say to a loved one (that may now be out of your presence)?

Are you feeling somehow limited by not having had the conversation sitting on the bench? What is it that you want to have answered that has hindered your movement forward into your best life?

Sitting on the Bench

None of us knows what day will be our last opportunity for sitting on the bench. As we move through this time and place we are to love our neighbor as our self. We can change how we see the future based on the details of the past that we hold on to. The areas of hurt and lack in our lives that we hold onto actually are not congruent with our loving Father nor His commandment to love your neighbor as yourself.

He wants us to live our best life. He is love. He has promised that we can find peace in Him. The why (or any other) questions will never exceed His promises. The lack of affirming love we have received from others, the conversations we failed to have are not to be stumbling blocks, for them or us. It is God’s good pleasure to free us of those bonds of the flesh.

The next opportunity you have for sitting on the bench, sit there in the presence of our heavenly Father. Give Him your questions, and receive His answers. Be in His presence, share the sights and sounds of nature, and heal those hurts with the salve of His love. Your future will be changed by having those appropriate conversations with Him. He has overcome all of my hurts and all of yours. Those from the present, the past and the future.

When is a good time for you to be sitting on the bench?

Take Inventory and Take Action!

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”

P.S. Please send me your story of a time when you were sitting on the bench, I would enjoy hearing your experience. Tell me how your life was made different because of the time spent sitting on the bench. How do you expect it will change your future?