For those of you that are familiar my blog you are aware that my pen has been silent for a while now. Clearly lack of subject matter is not the cause. Seek God’s closeness is what has and continues to sustain me. This has been a season of stretching and growing. Keeping pace with the nuances of life has caused me to hold my pen in abeyance on this leg of my dynamic ride. It is likely you have had some seasons where twists and turns caused intensity in your life too!

No matter what the comfort remains in the assurance that God knows where we are in life. He knows who we are to Him. He has all of the answers. We are to turn to Him. He is there for you and for me. On this past Sunday, I received an extra tug in my heart to write about an event, which occurred some years ago. I felt compelled to share this encounter after hearing my pastor speak about about “Encounters”.  Encounters of the God kind.

According to the word of God,  as we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. (See James 4: 8) I believe that encounters with God serve to increase our faith. Seeking God’s closeness means we must yield our hearts to Him.

My Encounter 

A family member had invited me to attend a function taking place as part of her church. Similar to a retreat and lasting for a weekend, this activity was called an encounter. Described as a place where one could go to gain closeness with God. I had the time, I had come to respect the teaching of the church group hosting the encounter and most importantly, I definitely  possessed the heartfelt desire to gain more of God, to draw near. I paid the associated fees and was on my way.

Time passed quickly, I had great expectation for connecting more closely with God. One major part of the experience that I was a tad reticent about was, my husband would not attend with me. The event was a women’s encounter, for that reason my husband, no husbands could attend. My husband and I spend a tremendous amount of time together, by choice. We enjoy each other’s company immensely. I was disappointed that he would not attend with me. Seeking God’s closeness indeed.

The Beginning

I was in anticipation of meeting God there in some new way, which would draw me closer. Arriving at the venue early, I checked into my room and took a seat in the cozy meeting room at the hotel. I prefer sitting as close to the front as I can at such events. I remember being in the front row on the right side of the room. As the room began to fill with women, the buzzing sound of conversations was like a rhythm, a calm, peaceful sound.

The first speaker came forward. She welcomed us and expressed her excitement for the events scheduled to take place over the next few days. The encounter would end with all of us attending the church’s regular service on Sunday.

Next the pastor’s wife came to the podium, she spoke and provided more details about the annual encounter. At the end of her brief comments the pastor came forward. My thoughts must have gone to a place of distraction inside my head. My thoughts focused on the fact that my husband was not in attendance at the event. I recall thinking, “Why is it that she can see her husband over the weekend while I can not even speak to mine over the phone.

There were few stipulations about the experience. One that gave me particular pause was related to no contact with the outside world. Each of us agreed once we checked into the hotel, we would not use our cell phones or other electronic devices. The main focus was gaining closeness with God. While I did comply, I was not thrilled about totally disconnecting from my beloved husband. Again my thoughts returned to the comments of the pastor.

He spoke of the role of women in the family. Likewise, the importance of women. He mentioned what an impact this encounter could likely have, if we would seek God. We were told that members of the church had prayed for us to encounter God in a way we had never experienced. Much of what the pastor spoke about touched me. My thoughts were back on my reason for being there, closeness with God. The pastor clearly stated women had been mistreated. He specifically highlighted women had been battered, sexually assaulted and molested as children. Further, he said that he wanted to represent those men that had engaged in the harm, by requesting forgiveness for the hurtful acts committed against the women assembled in the room.

Too Close For Comfort?

These issues were familiar to me. As a child I was the victim of or witness to significant mental, physical and spiritual abuse at the hand of my natural father, I thought to myself, “Well, that is a nice little exercise!” These thoughts were expressed with deliberate sarcasm, even as I spoke to myself. My thoughts began to drift again to my room and the rest I planned after a hectic week.

The pastor moved to the only exit in the room, which was behind me at the back of the room. The room contained more chairs than than women.  There were approximately 50 women in the room.  As the women filed past the pastor, now standing at the rear of the room,  he said, “Forgive me! He continued to repeat those words. Each woman acknowledged him in some way and continued, quickly past him out of the door. Now this almost seemed too close for comfort.

I stood to go to the end of the aisle and head back to my room for the night. As I walked to the end of the row and turned my body to approach the exit my feet would not move. It was as if I did not have the power to move. Standing motionless, I could only look at the pastor. Seems like time halted completely.

I was stuck there in my tracks! My body remained frozen. I was able to view the other women leaving the room and nothing more. I realized everyone else had moved beyond the pastor. My awareness of others became diminished. As if the one asking for forgiveness and I were alone.

Breakthrough

The pastor’s words became an impassioned plea, as he made direct eye contact with me. Again “Forgive me! Forgive me! Forgive me!’ He repeated over and over and over. I felt his words, as if they penetrated my heart. Tears began to flow from my eyes. He fell to his knees, pleading with me. He became visibly contrite.

Somehow my feet were loosed, my steps were labored as if cement weights were tied to them.  I began to sob. As I moved closer his eyes and mine were intently locked. He stood, and with the arms of a loving father, he held me as I cried, shaking uncontrollably. After some time, I said, “I forgive you!”

My father had never been contrite for the years of abuse. Never having asked me for forgiveness, he transitioned from this earth at the age of 80 years. This encounter took place long after. I thought that I had reached full healing. Believed I had forgiven him totally. On that Friday evening, I knew that God had allowed me more of closeness. More distance from the pain of the abuse I had experienced and relived for decades. God’s closeness indeed!

Your Encounters

This encounter took place within the first hour of that weekend. As we seek Him we draw near to Him. In turn, He draws near to us. The release I experienced on that night moved me exponentially closer to God and the healing I was seeking. In that one evening a virtual stranger was able to glorify God and bring me closer to His promises.

I ask you to share one of your encounters with me and with others. Be encouraged, this encounter and numerous others grow our faith and remind us that God is here for us and with us! Is it time for an encounter? Continue to be a seeker, continue to give God glory, continue to draw near to Him.  Continue to love your neighbor as yourself.

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving my neighbor as yourself.”