Mother’s Day causes me to think of many different people and emotions. Whatever you think of when contemplating Mother’s Day is a choice. Having emotions about the one that generally holds the emotional thread in the family is almost automatic. Being deliberate about what you do with those emotions will determine what you experience on Mother’s Day; joy or pain.

Big Business

There are 8.5 million moms in the United States and 671 million dollars spent on Mother’s Day cards annually. Mother’s Day is not only big business it is a big deal. Each of us is impacted by Mother’s Day. To a greater or a lesser degree, depending on our experience and mindset. Our experience with mom as a child was probably mostly her doing. Our response to mom and our mindset about mother figures is 100 % our responsibility. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

Joy and Pain

I had the benefit of knowing my mother. Many do not. She had nurturing instincts, I saw them at times. She guided me through some difficulties in my life and she created some for me. She wanted the best for me, and I think she tried to give me her best. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

For many years before her transition from this life, when I was away from home and raising my own family I appreciated my mother more than when I was under her roof. As I began to see my children grow, look at my choices and view my responses to life I was able to see her more as a person.

Did she have frailties? Yes. Do I have frailties? Yes! Did she make choices that I did not (and do not) agree with? Yes. Do my children disagree with my decisions? Yes!

I experienced a great deal of pain as I grew up. Many Mother’s Day celebrations were just a time for me to go through the motions. I could not genuinely call her the best mother in the world. I could not with conviction acknowledge her numerous strengths. It took a number of years for me to separate her, the woman, from the one that I perceived as one who failed to nurture me. Yet God led me to honor her.

I am certain that my adult children do not agree with all of my choices. In retrospect, I am aware that there are things I could have done differently. For the most part they have honored me, even as they recognized and examined my bad decisions. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

My mom possessed God’s gifts. Because we are made in His image, His gifts are present in each of us. I was able to have those honest conversations of appreciation with her long before her last breath. Each year I reflect more on her value.  I recognize her as the vessel that brought me to this life and the pearls of wisdom she gave me along the way. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

Perfection

She was not a perfect mother, I was not a perfect child. There is no perfect mother or perfect child. In our imperfection we are covered by His grace. His grace is: unmerited assistance, virtue, and sanctification. Despite our worthiness we have grace.

Your mother, no matter what she did, or did not provide for you is your mother. Being found on a doorstep, or being raised by someone else in her stead does not make her less important as a person. If she abandoned you emotionally she is not any less worthy of honor than anyone else’s mother. Carrying a baby in utero is a formidable task. The act of bringing you to this earth is notable.

When I think of all of the changes that occurred in my body as I had a bun in the oven, I think of cravings, being too hot, too cold, too tired and so much more. I remember being careful not to harm the fetus inside me by reckless actions. I remember understanding the gravity of bringing a child into this world, even as a pregnant teen.

I remember holding each of my children. I remember how all four of them were uniquely themselves from birth. I remember seeing part of me in each of them. I remember wanting the best for each of them. I have had my learning curve, tests and achievements. I have missed the mark more frequently than I want to admit. Yet I have done the best at each of those moments that I knew how. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

Baby, Bath Water

Our tendency, in the flesh, is to “throw the baby out with the bath water”. When we do not like something about someone we often see only that, losing site of the good that resides within, through God’s gifts, His grace.

The commandment in the Bible that was given long ago, in the Old Testament appears several times in the Bible. It still remains relevant and was mentioned in Matthew 19:19 as follows:

“Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (KJV)

Could it be that it was listed in such a way that anyone can clearly see that parents are to be honored? Just in case it was not clear that we are to love everyone there is a separate line item for both, mother and father. The Greek word used in the passage has to do with the responsibility of the child to revere or venerate their parents. Including adult children.

Everyone is someone’s child. You may not know the details of your birth. You may not know if those who raised you were your biological parents. Yet we are told to honor them.

Might it be that God knew today, just as it was in ancient times, we would need to have it spelled out for us in order to make it plain we are not to calculate the number of wrongs committed by our parents and then decide how we will treat them? We are directed to give them honor.

Joy or Pain, You Choose

You may have very strong emotions about how ill-equipped your parents were. Your mom may have given you up for adoption. Your mom may have abandoned you. You may have searched in vain for your birth mom. Either way, no matter what your thoughts are about what went wrong, we are to honor our parents. Mother’s Day; joy and pain.

As you experience Mother’s Day this year, create an environment in your own heart where love for mother overshadows her faults. Allow your heart to flood with compassion. Wherever your mom is, on this planet or beyond, think of her with adoration, honor and respect. Make this your best Mother’s Day ever because of the godly thoughts that lead to right emotions in God! As I do the same for my mom (pictured above with my dad).

She did the best that she knew how with the gifts bestowed upon her by God. Although my mother is no longer here, I love her more today than ever. I recognize that God loved me and her even in the chaos of my childhood. Had it not been for her, I would not be here. Had it not been for Him, I would not have honored my mother, then and now. I am thankful for His grace and His love that came to me through her.

Appreciate, honor and love your mom. Allow her to experience your love. God loves her, so why can’t you?

If you are not a mother or you know someone who has dealt with infertility issues please view Lindsey Bridges’ article for information on how to process those feelings around infertility on Mother’s Day. Remember everyday is all about LOVE!

Help someone to feel loved today. Deliberately make today a Happy Mother’s Day focus on the joy not the pain.

Take Inventory and Take Action!

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”

(Photo restoration by Ron Talley, Sr.)