Father’s Day. What does Father’s Day mean to you? What does it mean to me? First, I have to examine what father means to me.

Thinking of my biological father brings a flood of memories. I remember him stating to my siblings and I the following, “I shoulda took you up by your heels when you when you were a baby and busted your head on the curb!”  Disturbing words to hear as an adult. Imagine what it was like to receive directed to you as a child. Imagine as a child being touched in a sexual manner by an adult–your parent. Imagine having your friends telling you about how your father inappropriately touched them or talked about their bodies.  Imagine living with violence and hate all of your life. Imagine hating yourself and wanting to end it all. Imagine at the age of 12 being trained to kill an adolescent– by your father. Imagine your mother being aware of all of this and not stepping in to liberate the family. Imagine connecting love with violence, fear and anger.Can you imagine? I can, because that was my life as a child. That was my exposure to my earthly father.

Perhaps you can imagine. According to the Child Help (a national organization, which promotes the prevention and treatment of child abuse)  “Children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. Every year 3.3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving nearly 6 million children (a report can include multiple children). The United States has the worst record in the industrialized nation – losing five children every day due to abuse-related deaths.” (http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics) Those kinds if numbers illustrate that I am not alone.

Perhaps you were raised in a home absent of a typical nurturing environment. Possibly you routinely witnessed domestic violence against your mother at the hand of your father. Maybe you experienced a violation of your innocence with your father (or father figure) as the perpetrator. Was your father an alcoholic? Was your self-esteem disintegrated? Was your father physically or emotionally absent from your home? Do you bear the scars of a father ill-equipped to parent?

Even given the roll my natural father played in my family it was our tradition to celebrate him on Father’s Day. I also loved my father as a child. As an adult I found  ways to honor my father (and mother) while loving myself at the same time. In the Bible it speaks of honoring your father and mother multiple times (see Deuteronomy 5:16, Matthew 15:6, Matthew 19:19, Mark 7:10 and Luke 18:20). I have not found any mention of only honoring the parent that has earned honor or seems worthy. I have not located any fine print, details or footnotes that indicate said parent must have properly nurtured in order to be recognized with honor.

In the first chapter of the book of Jeremiah the word of the LORD  to him affirms he was known by God before he was formed and came from the womb. Our loving Heavenly Father planned us with purpose and reason for being. Before we were formed He knew us and our parents.He knew who our parents would be. It is beyond my understanding to know why or how God was able to know the end at the beginning. I also do not understand how a television is able to bring hundreds of programs into my living room at the the touch of a button. However, it works just the same. Neither God’s plan nor wisdom is dependent on our understanding. Yet when we love and seek Him He brings us to a place of peace and equips us to handle what our minds are unable to understand.

As the daughter of a most unlovely earthly father, I have learned to honor and love him. I have learned to forgive him. I have learned to be grateful that God equipped me with the tools to overcome the extreme challenges of my childhood. I am thankful I was able to reach out to the loving God and overcome the feelings of self-loathing, anger and hatred that so defined me. I am thankful to have been given maps and lanterns to light my path out of the maze of hate, fear and anger that I had come to know as home. I am elated that I am able to support others as they find their way out too. Glory to God!

Today, Father’s Day gives me an opportunity to remember any childhood moments that were pleasant. I remember any traits that I may have, which came from my biological father. He had a strong work ethic and so do I. Amongst all of the chaos he taught me Bible stories. I reflect on those gifts that came from my Heavenly Father and give Him glory as I continue to emulate Him–the best parent.

Let’s honor our Fathers and those that have a paternal role in our lives. It pleases God. Is a loving act toward Him and is part of loving our neighbors as ourselves.

Take Inventory and Take Action!

If you have questions on how you can honor your father (and mother) as well as loving God (first) and yourself, contact me for further information. I have maps to guide you and lanterns to illuminate your path.

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”