When you think of friendship what comes to mind? Think about it for a moment. What comes to mind? Do you remember your childhood? Do your thoughts go to high school? Do you think about the past couple of weeks when you were able to spend some time with a friend?

For me sometimes I am reminded of a friend because of a song I hear on the radio or TV. Sometimes it is a place that I have visited; perhaps we had tea at a particular spot. One of my friends likes Dr. Pepper, so I think of her when a see the soft drink or an advertisement. My husband is a friend, and we have been married a very long time. There are countless places where we have memories. Plus I get to see him everyday!

Recently, a friend that I had not talked to for awhile came to mind. She had a dear place in my heart. She had been on my mind a lot over the past several months. I did not have a current phone number for her. She moved a while ago and we lost touch. I look for her on all of the social media, but she chose not to be a part of those lines of communication.

She was beginning to come to mind more and more frequently. I had thought of calling her work phone number, and I keep telling myself that was a bit much. Last week I had the inclination to Google her name. She was a great photographer and I was expecting to see that she had opened another photography studio, give her a call, catch up on the phone, and then plan to have lunch with her. As I began to go through the pages of Brenda’s with her last name I did not seem to get any closer to her studio. About the time I was planning to give up I saw a woman with a similar name but it was not my Brenda.

I scrolled down the page a little further and I found her name. I was very excited. I had already planned what I would say to her after not speaking with her for such a long time. As I enlarged the image that I had clicked on with my Kindle Fire I saw a great picture of her. Then I swiped across the screen to the right of the picture and I saw the words OBITUARY! It was like the air was sucked out of me. There was my Brenda about five years younger than I. She had passed away in her sleep three months ago. Around the time I had been really thinking about getting in contact with her. She was gone. No more time for lunch, or catching up on the phone, laughing or crying together. This leg of her journey is now over.

I have experienced the deaths of both of my parents, my husband’s parents, my grandparents and my aunt, among others. Now Brenda is gone, too. I must have played back all of our encounters, conversations and lingered on the ones where we shared a laugh and excitement about travel, she loved to travel! I gathered much peace from those memories. One that especially stuck was when she had her 40th birthday. She was not looking forward to that day; she was kind of down because she had not accomplished some things she thought that she should have by then. Her father had passed away a couple of years before, and she missed him incredibly. Her mother had recently passed away and she really did not seem to want to celebrate.

For reasons unknown to me at the time I decided to send her flowers at work on her birthday. I had my favorite florist make a special arrangement in Brenda’s favorite colors. I was working with her in the same building when the flowers were delivered. I could hear her voice as she admired the bouquet. Then it was very quiet. I got back to my work and had actually forgotten about the flowers when Brenda came over to my work area. She had tears in her eyes. I had always seen her smiling and laughing so I was not sure what to make of the tears. Then she struggled to speak, choking back the tears enough to say, “No one ever gave me flowers before!” I will never forget that look on her face. I will always think about how for the rest of the day and well after, she reminded me about the flowers, and asked me how did I know she had always wanted flowers, and had never gotten any before.

I am sharing this story with you not because of the time I spent thinking about Brenda and not getting in contact with her. I share this with you because of the day she received the flowers and the numerous times we talked after that day. Do what you can with the friends you have. If they are movie friends, shopping buddies or lunch companions. Do what you can to build memories while they are here. From this day forward forgive yourself for those unspoken words, and time spent on the things you now find frivolous, and just make every moment count. Begin by being a friend to yourself and nurture you. That will help you in all of your relationships. Move ahead deliberately. When you think of a friend think of how you nurture and take care of yourself so that all of your friend’s lives, no matter how short, will be better for having known you. Find peace in that knowing. As I have found peace knowing that about Brenda.