All of the recent focus on domestic violence may cause us to point fingers. Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, Jonathan Dwyer, Roger Goodell and Hope Solo are among those being singled out for their behavior. What if everyone involved in such a situation was named? Would your name be among them? How can relationships be rescued before the violence becomes deadly? What can be done to help?

Not only are those caught in the act on camera, but also the alleged perpetrators, governing bodies, law enforcement and even the victims have been vilified in the media. Thankfully former victims have come forward to speak from their perspectives, and there has been an increase in reporting too.

Let’s look at what we can do to lessen the domestic violence now. How can we change lives impacted by domestic violence. Domestic violence is everywhere people are. Disrespect, violence, aggression and various forms of abuse controlling actions occur every day. These unlovely acts are not limited by skin color, culture, gender, age or socioeconomics.

I grew up with the collateral damage of domestic violence in my family of origin. Today women compose about 90% of the victims of domestic violence. I have spoken with many female victims of domestic violence. Many seem to be unlikely candidates.

One such woman is Nancy Salamone. A former vice president of a Wall Street financial institution, the only female at that level among her peers, was very successful. Yet she would go home to her husband, and endure physical, sexual, emotional and economic abuse. She lived that way for 20 years. One day she decided to leave. It was not easy and her husband threatened her mother and her colleagues with death, however, she was able to change her life. She now helps others to change their lives too.

My mother was feisty, well- informed, and seemed to be fearless on the outside. She endured so very much, as she stayed with my father for forty plus years of domestic violence. While they both have transitioned, from this life, the emotional scars on the family remain. The violence was so pervasive and consuming.

Nancy reports that she was brought up with such idioms as, “don’t air your dirty laundry” and “you make your bed, you lie in it.” My mom, and the rest of the family, taught us to keep “family secrets”. We kept all of the ugliness in the family.

Being born into such violence, I understood nothing else. It became my normal. We all endured so much abuse. My father frequently told my mother, with all of us in earshot, if she ever left him he would hunt her down, and kill all of us. After my siblings and I left home, she stayed.

I cannot second guess anyone that stays in that type of situation. Nonetheless, I do know that behavior is not loving.

Love is the Answer

When God talks to us about love we are instructed to love Him first, then our self, and our neighbor as we have loved ourselves. If we are not clear what God wants us to do we are told to ask for wisdom. When we have a relationship with God we are able to hear and discern His voice. We need to have an understanding of the provision made for us. We need to know why we are here. We need to understand how God loves us.

We each get to decide how we will handle relationships, beginning with our relationship with God. Love yourself. Love yourself more than any abuser. Find out what it means to love yourself. Pray about it; contact me if you need some help with loving you.

Seek Wisdom

If you are in a situation where you are not living according to God’s order, ask Him for help in making those changes. Start by asking Him to change you to see yourself as He does; deserving of love. Ask Him to open doors of support for you to follow His will for your life, and your relationships.

Tanya-Young Williams is a domestic violence survivor. She has gathered valuable information, click here  and review her important article.

If you know someone experiencing domestic violence pray for them, and ask God if there is any other way that you are to get involved.

Instead of pointing fingers, Take Inventory and Take Action!

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”

Photograph by: Ofra Lapid from the Broken House series.

P.S. I am writing a book on forgiveness, please share your experiences, comments, or questions with me. I would appreciate hearing from you! Thanks!