Intimacy is desired and sought after. We hear the term describing sex. Whatever the word brings to mind for you likely rests on your definition of intimacy. It is a basic need for each of us to have intimacy, difficulties arise when there is a lack of true intimacy.

We were designed to have intimacy, social relationships and connectedness. Since the beginning man (and woman) have desired close relationships with others. As far back as Adam, and Eve there was the desire to communicate, and experience the confidence of knowing that someone was there for us.

From birth we seek out, and enjoy others that we can be ourselves with, share our deepest communications, and know that they will be there for us, no matter what. Love includes the ability to accept someone unconditionally. That is the essence of the agape love of God. He instructs us to agape our neighbor as our self.

What is intimacy?

One definition of intimacy provided at Dictionary.com is: “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.”

I have also heard the definition of intimacy as: “in-to-me-see”. Indicating that in an intimate relationship we allow others to see us as we are inside, and we are able to see them from the inside too.

Before we can truly be intimate, according to either of these definitions, we need to know ourselves first. When we love ourselves as God commands we are able to honor our inherent gifts, and recognize His blessings even in our challenges. With God’s guidance we are able to understand that He loves us even with our imperfections.

As we practice intimacy with Him, by sharing with Him even though He already knows us we are choosing to be in an intimate relationship with Him. As we share more of who we are with Him He reciprocates, we then get to know Him better.

Sex and Intimacy

While engaging in sex is an indication of intimacy, acts of sex do not necessarily constitute intimacy. Today’s society is filled with blatant sex acts, and innuendo. Television shows, movies, video games, magazines, cartoons, billboards, et cetera.

Countless live their lives as though they are building intimacy via sex, others behave as if the cost of intimacy is having casual sex. These behaviors are counterfeits for real intimacy.

According to  Robert Weiss, one of the leading experts on a range of intimacy issues including sexual disorders and addiction, shared the following with  Nora Bass for her article in Vixely:

“My clients want to have relationships, but they also want to be 100% certain that they won’t get hurt. For emotional self-protection, they tend to seek situations that offer controllable intimacy, which is an oxymoron. Emotional intensity, over which you can feel some control, is not the same as genuine closeness. Being vulnerable enough to allow yourself to be fully known creates the potential for true intimacy. But this also comes with some risk. People who use sex and romantic intensity as substitutes for intimacy often find themselves feeling more empty and unfulfilled with each new relationship or sexual partner. The people I treat are highly vulnerable to rejection and perceived abandonment and are therefore afraid of not having emotional control over an intimate partner. Sadly, they fear the very emotional risks required to deeply and intimately bond, and will settle for short term, intensity-based experiences, which often leave them feeling more alone then when they started.”

Intimacy or Aloneness

While the attempts at intimacy that Robert Weiss spoke of are apparently the norm, God’s word refers to true connectedness with others. If you find yourself repeatedly in relationships that cause you to feel that aloneness, it can be replaced with intimacy that God honors.

True intimacy comes from God, and His love. We can be in a room full of others, and feel alone. We can have thousands of Facebook friends and feel alone. That aloneness comes from counterfeit intimacy. When we put God first and seek His way of being, and doing right He promises that all things shall be added.

Our Father knows when we genuinely love Him, and our neighbor as our self we will have true intimacy. First practice intimacy with Him. Others will not always return our love. However, we are commanded to love all the same. Indeed intimacy with God is the antidote for aloneness.

Take Inventory and Take Action!

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”