Change is not always seen as a good thing. Changing your mind to improve your quality of life is something that seems like a “no brainer”, yet understanding what to change and how, takes some thought. Changing your behavior from an emotional reaction to a thoughtful response takes time and practice. When we are able to make a clear connection between our emotions and behaviors the capacity for appropriate change from reaction to response becomes more attainable.

Are there routine situations, with negative outcomes that seem to “just happen” over and over again in your life? Does it seem like there are recurring, emotional speed bumps that slow down progress on your journey through life? Are you ready to change an unproductive reaction into an emotionally healthy response? Changing your mind can improve the quality of your life by altering your behavior to produce valued outcomes.

A reaction happens much like a reflex that occurs related to a specific stimulus. A safe driver would generally react to a red traffic signal by applying the brakes in their vehicle. While on campus elementary school students would likely begin to form a line and quietly walk along a designated route upon hearing a fire alarm. Both of these situations are practiced to the point where one thing happens and literally without much thought the practiced behavior occurs like a reflex.

A response generally requires more critical thinking before action occurs. Reason and evidence are more involved with a response. A driver in the path of an emergency vehicle on alert (with flashing lights and siren) may need to move through an intersection disregarding a red traffic signal, to allow clear passage. A response is more of an informed decision before action, causing one to dig deeper and examine options more closely prior to taking action.

There are times when reacting is required and appropriate. There are times when responding is required and appropriate.

 From Thought to Life

Our thoughts create our lives. We have a thought, which (based on our individual experiences) triggers an emotion or feeling, then we act based on those thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings create actions. Over time those repeated actions result in behaviors that develop habits, finally the collection of those habits become a lifestyle.

When our actions are based on thoughts that are grounded in flawed thinking rather than God’s word we run the risk of falling into lifestyles that take us through some contaminated experiences.

A young girl that picks up cues from her environment that cause her to think her value and self-worth relate solely to her physical appearance and ability to be a sex object, may focus on wearing provocative clothing, to entice sexual attention and interactions.

A young boy may believe his ability to dominate others with his physical presence and power to be the most desirable way to gain self-confidence. He may take to suppressing compassion, bully others and have frequent displays of angry outbursts.

No matter what their gender, when individuals react or respond it leads to behaviors that can result in productive or nonproductive outcomes. We are told in the word that there is a way which seems right but the end is unto death. (See Proverbs 16:25.) Clearly with our own reasoning we can justify almost any behavior or lifestyle.

How do we know when change is necessary? How do we know when we are reacting out of a “knee jerk” reflex rather than God’s way of being and doing? We have been provided valuable resources to keep us on track. Tools are most useful when they are used as designed.

Take inventory. As we take inventory we evaluate in order to respond. As we seek God’s way of doing and being right all things will be added. (See Matthew 6:33.)  

When we are able to look at situations that occur and take inventory we can determine if we are properly reacting or responding as God would have us. As we renew our minds we come closer to the mark. (See Romans 12:2.)

It Seemed Right

This past week I had an experience where I used the Metrolink to get home after a couple of days of away on family business. I was a little uncomfortable in this new experience with a number of unknowns. I had a little anxiety about everything going well. By the end of my trip that anxiety became fear and then anger. It wasn’t until later when I took inventory of the day that I realized I had reacted, creating an emotionally toxic outcome that was less than loving for me and the others I encountered.

I began the trip very early in the morning I was on a local bus shortly after 5:00 AM. It was still dark outside. I was scheduled to make a connection with the train around 6:47 AM. I arrived at the connection point hurriedly walked a good distance to reach the platform where I purchased my ticket. The timing of my connection was very close. Shortly after I purchased my ticket my train arrived. I made it. I was on the train and in about another hour, I would be home–or so I thought.

As it turned out it would take me about double that time to get to my final destination. In actuality I got on the wrong train! I was so anxious about getting there on time, I was five minutes early. I had boarded the local instead of the express. The express went to the end of the line with a layover. When I finally got to the last stop at 9:30 AM, I was livid.

Prior to the trip I called customer service, got information about which train to take, the route had been mapped out for me and still I boarded the wrong train. I arrived hungry, tired, and frustrated.

I had decided an error had been made and by the train system and that someone would need to pay for my time and inconvenience. That was the way that “seemed” right to me.

I won’t try to justify my thoughts or behavior. Neither my thinking nor my actions were loving toward myself or those I spoke with in the customer service department at the terminal.

During my time of reflection, before leaving the terminal I was able to replay the events of that long trip. I realized that I was feeling anxious at the start of the trip, those feelings, after I allowed them to build grew into guilt, blame and anger. It was a lot easier to be angry with someone else than with myself.

My thinking and feelings were misplaced and inappropriately expressed. Before leaving the transit center I apologized and repented for my actions.

Now I see the situation as a learning experience. I learned one more behavior that I can change from reaction to response. I will examine my feelings and thinking more closely. I will practice response and make that change, even sooner.  

Take Inventory and Take Action! Make that change; starting with the man in the mirror.

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”