The way you treat someone is all about you. We are commanded to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. That command does not include liking behavior choices. As we encounter people, our mindset directs our behaviors. You have the ability to keep people on the love list rather than trying to move them back once they are on the other lists we form; it is all about you.

Loving others is super easy, when they do, or say exactly what you want and nothing else. Right! However, anyone with actions or speech that is not congruent with yours may move them to the dislike list. If you perceive that person has any control over your life (like a parent or any other authority figure) they may move to that list in nanoseconds.

That person may move all the way to the hate list. In addition, anyone else that resembles that controlling person, by any set of mannerisms may be placed on that list too, even though they have not even interacted with you on that level.

You and those you encounter have the ability to act according to freewill. Moral, spiritual and civic laws are in place, yet you, and they have the capacity to make choices about how you honor those regulations. As you interact with others with your freewill is engaged and the possibility of disagreement exists.

Your Lists

We have all sorts of lists. Things we love. Things we hate. People we love. People we hate. People we love to hate. We have rating scales for people. The criteria for family members is often more stringent than those for others.

We develop hierarchies of friends. People that we talk about at work, usually family. People that we talk about with family, usually everyone else, including family.

If those lists are not active now, you can probably think back to a time when these categories were an active part of your relationships.

We learn to move people, like chess pieces from one place to another as relationships change. Some lists are mental only, others are physical as well. Weddings, parties, baby showers, graduations, funerals and other types of ceremonies often require such listings to become physical.

A necessary list can provide a strategy for seating Uncle Charles five tables away from the wedding party.

Of course you are on several lists too. Generally that is when one notices who is on what list the most, when we find ourselves on a list. We speculate if we were a first round pick. We wonder if we were invited for a gift opportunity. We ponder why we were left out of the family portrait. We query how our worst image, and everyone else’s good side was included on the social media photo gallery.

Next one may remember the last, two, or three incidents with negative outcomes, which must have caused us to be on the less than desirable list. We may even think about the foibles privately known about that person that orchestrated the awkward seating behind the pole, at the back of the room.

Who is counting!

Perhaps we could look at things from another perspective. Perhaps we could do what our maker suggests in Paul’s letter to the Philippians. Paul appeals to those who claimed to love God. He gave them the following words in Philippians 2:3 on the topic of being a true follower of Jesus the Christ: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”(KJV)

The words strife, vainglory and lowliness are similar in meaning today to those words penned by the Apostle Paul. Those words may be rather palatable as you read the passage. The one that may be a little harder to swallow is the word esteem, followed by the idea that others are to be better than oneself.

The word esteem in the passage comes from the Hebrew word, which means counting. I believe that Paul was saying that as we interact with others, we are to, without anger, or pride, humbly set our minds to think of, and count those things that others do better than we do.

Everyone is gifted in at least one area. Most people are experts at something. No one is gifted or expert in all things. When we are able to honestly, honor others for those inherent gifts, we give glory to God.  Thereby we love, God, and others. As we focus more fully on the gifts He has placed in others we likewise bring into view the gifts He has generously bestowed on us.

It is so much easier to love someone when you see them serving God as they walk in their gifting.

Loving our neighbor as yourself is not an option, it is a command.  Your freewill facilitates your thought process and your actions.

When you are able to see others as God does, loving them by counting the gifts He gave them is an illustration of our love. It is all about you!

Love,

Deborah

“Lighting the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.”  

P.S. Here are some tips for getting along with people that are on the wrong list.